From pain to gratitude
It hurts! It hurts so much sometimes. This not being owned. They’re are times I want to rant and scream because I can remember how wonderful things are for me when I’m owned. How so much of my self doubt goes away more often than not. How wonderful it is to be guided even just a little by another who is trusted. Being owned is a partnership like no other. For it is a partnership. Deliberately inequality in authority. Deliberately structured and beautiful.
I have other partnerships also deliberately created but not with the inequality and surrender I crave. There are times I wish I had never ever been owned. Times I wish I couldn’t miss those feelings I crave and know they exist.
I stop myself
For I do know.
I do know it’s possible. I’ve had 4 owners of various styles and I’ve gotten to enjoy the wonder of those relationships.I stop myself because I have the intamate knowledge that Master/slave, that Owner/slave can work out. And I become grateful. I know what I desire is much more than just some fantasy. I know it can be real. I’ve had it and it’s amazing. Yes I miss it and yes I crave it and know that someday I must have it again!
But tonight, tonight I’m going to keep turning my pain into gratitude for those wonderful relationships of comfort in inequality that I have had and for the joys of those experiences. Maybe I’ll only reach melancholy. Yet I’m going to focus on gratitude for what I have experienced over there pain of what I don’t currently have, an Owner.