Service or Obedience?
A new take on Service VS Obedience
What if we all stopped thinking of the question as which is more important, Service or Obedience, and instead of, starting thinking and recognizing that for Surrender, Service and Obedience are NEEDED. What if we stopped trying to put one against the other and instead recognized that they are both needed and support each other and are integrated into each other when a slave dives into surrender.
Our culture is very good at creating an either-or mindset when it comes to things. Do you want an I-pod or an MP3 player? There is an underlying assumption that you can’t have both. When it comes to M/s, what most Masters and slaves I have met are actually looking for surrender on the part of the slave. We all seem to want the slave to surrender themselves as fully as possible to follow the Masters’ paths and support the Masters’ decisions once they are made.
Surrender requires both Service and Obedience, along with every other skill and ability the slave has, to be there for the Master to use as that Master wills. Commonly, slaves will first find their surrendered path by starting with basic obedience. Master says do it, slave does it. And for many Masters, this is where they will start training and testing slaves to see if the slave is a good fit. As a relationship progresses, Masters often need things that they do not want to always have to tell the slave to do. Providing things for Master without being told is a form of service. Other services can include looking proactively for things that the Master might like or enjoy and making sure to share them with them. If Master loves the band AQUA and you see that they will be in town next week, bringing this to his attention so that he can decide if he is going to go to it. These things a good slave brings to their Master.
Both Service and Obedience can create challenges in the relationship. The slave might follow an order wrong or provide an undesired service. Or a slave might get stuck in inaction waiting for an order or forget that the Master gets to decide if he wants that service. This does not make either better or worse than the other. Both are part of surrender and both can be the “gateway” into a surrendered path. For some, play and BDSM scenes are what got them to take the first steps into their surrender. None of these gateways are better or worse than the others as each one fits the person that now walks that surrendered path. There are as many ways to find surrender as there are people who are surrendered. Judging how we got there or if it was “right” is far too close to the “one twue way” for me. the “true way” is specific to each person and couple.
So why try to choose or judge what parts of surrender are the “most important”? It may be that as a Master, you desire a slave whose surrender focuses on obedience, or that as a slave you desire a Master who craves anticipatory service, or sexual service. None of these are wrong! They are simply a matter of being self-aware and knowing what you are seeking in a partner. As the relationship grows and builds there will be times when obedience is the foremost portion of the dynamic and others where service is or even something else. Again none of this is wrong. So why keep trying to decide which is “ more important” ? Instead, wouldn’t it be better to focus on deepening our surrender in all areas or in the areas our Masters encourage, rather than trying to decide which is more important across the board and try applying it to people and relationships where it might not actually fit? Both are important. Both are required; so instead of talking about Service VS Obedience, let’s have a discussion about Service AND Obedience.
-xiaoyi
