A Master’s Trust
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
― Stephen Covey
We commonly discuss the importance of trust in Master/slave relationships but it is most oftentimes spoken of as the trust that a slave must have in their Master. While that is a very important topic and should be discussed; what about a Master’s need to trust the slave?
I think this is commonly overlooked because the idea of M/s focuses on the Master having complete responsibility and having someone trust you is a responsibility. Yet how can a Master teach, train, guide, or command a slave if they do not trust the slave.
One of the cornerstones of M/s is obedience. This is one place where trusting the slave is very obvious. The Master trusts that any order they give, the slave will obey. But this is the most basic level of trust that a Master needs to be able to have in their slave. There are many more.
A very big place regarding trust and training is transparency and safe places. Here a Master can lead by example if they are willing to risk a great deal of vulnerability. For me, there is no greater gift a Master can give me than to trust me with their emotions. If the Master is feeling scared or weak or lusty, having them share that with me, in a safe place and time is a great gift. The Master is allowing me to see past the masks and “domiliness” to the true person beneath. It is that person who I am looking to serve and be owned by, an imperfect human. Especially in the beginnings of a new relationship and the initial training period of the relationship, this is a HUGE risk for the Master. Trusting a slave with “un-masterly” imperfections means trusting a new person not to go and share those imperfections with others and to not turn them into weapons to use against you when they are upset. However if a Master chooses to do this, they are setting a very good example for the slave of what style of transparency the Master can work best with and how the Master would like to actually know the imperfect human that he/she is seeking to own as well.
Depending on how the training and relationship goes and if you are poly or not, there may also be trust opportunities with regards to allowing the slave to play with others or serve others for various events. This also feeds into interacting with others in the scene at all.
At the beginning of relationships, many Masters restrict their slave’s ability to contact others or require that the Master see/be present for any communications a slave might have with others, in particular other Dominants and Masters. This is not trusting the slave. While it is understandable that a Master may desire to make sure no one else is going to try tempting away their newfound slave, it also tells the slave, “I do not trust your commitment to me and my training and ownership of you. I think you are foolish enough to be tempted away and I must make sure you aren’t.” In many ways, this can actually undermine the ability of the slave to commit fully to their new Master because they may feel undermined as a person. The slave certainly can feel the lack of trust the Master has in them. So while it is a common practice to keep watch over a new slave’s interactions, it might actually weaken the resolve to be with you unless the slave is of the “prove you wrong” school of thought when it comes to knowing that you distrust them. Especially if the slave is established in the local scene and has many friends on both sides of the slash, they may resent this doubt that they will keep it only to friends and will not be seeking elsewhere for other Masters or doing any form of Master “fishing” so that they have a back-up plan. This is not to say some slaves or submissives to not engage in these distasteful activities but rather to point out that a Master will have to trust the slave at some point to interact with other Masters and maybe even ex-Masters during the relationship if it is to be life long and you are staying in the same area. Perhaps showing the slave that you trust them earlier is better than making them “earn” that trust. It could actually bolster the slave’s self-confidence because of the fact that they do know and see that you do choose to trust them. If you chose to trust them, it might very well increase their trust in you as well. I would recommend talking with the slave about this though if you are choosing to trust them. The slave may be very used to the restrictions and controls on contact and unsure why you are not doing that and may see it as a sign of uncaring instead of trust if you do not explain your reasons.
A Master must also trust a new/training slave in two other very large areas. They must trust in the slave’s dedication to the new Master. Perhaps this is addressed in allowing them to interact with others best, but regardless of if you allow other Master/Dom interactions, there will be times and people, who the slave will bump into that might encourage the slave to stray. Even just watching tv or reading the news can promote how “independence” is best or other things that might tempt a slave to leave his/her newly chosen Master. So a Master must trust that their slave is going to stay dedicated to him/her even during rough times and when the slave is bombarded with messages saying “don’t stay with them”. The other area of trust that any Master must have in their slave, new or old, is the trust that the slave will carry themself in a way that will always bring honor to the Master. In private or in public, whether we wish it or not, a slave’s actions will always reflect on his/her Master for good or ill. A Master is forced when they take on a slave to accept the risk and place trust in that slave that they will endeavor to always bring honor and glory to the Master through their actions at all times.
It is a huge amount of trust that Masters place in us at the beginning of our relationships and I think many times we slaves do not recognize how much trust these Masters show us by even simply agreeing to date us. While we learn to trust them to make the best decisions for us and to control us as completely as possible, they have already shown us as much trust as they are asking us for by simply agreeing to take us on and train us. How odd that this is not spoken of as we learn about our relationships and how to grow into them and begin them. Perhaps because if we all recognized how much trust is being shown to those of us who want to surrender, the amount of responsibility that trust holds with it would crush us who wish to give over responsibilities and we would never date at all.