Classes I Offer
Click the class title below for more information about the class.
Let Us in the Dungeon Damn It! - Bootblacking as a Scene
Bootblacking is so much more than technical skills and a good shine. All too often these days I see bootblacks in the room outside the dungeon or the end of a hallway or a hidden alcove, kept far away from the hot kinky dungeon. In this class we will explore the ways leather care can be a scene from leather worship to full polish, how can this be incorporated into kinky fun?
We will also touch upon some basics for bootblack negotiations. What you need at a minimum and why. How to maintain your scene while blacking and what flavor do you want it to have?
This class is a combination of lecture, facilitated discussion and demonstrations. Please join me as we explore how to keep bootblacking hot, hot, HOT!!!
Bootblacking & Leather Care 101
This class concerns the very basics of leather care. What products to use on which leathers and why. Depending on class size, we will do a bootblack kit tour and try hands on leather care. There will also be discussion about the differences between a bootblack, a leather care specialist and a shoe shine.
Creating Safe Spaces to Promote Healthy Communications
We often hear that people want or need a Safe Space in order to communicate clearly or to express themselves fully. We try as a community to keep our local venues as designated Safe Spaces. But what does it truly mean to create a Safe Space? How can we, regardless of which side of the slash we are on, help provide this to our partners and communities? How should we seek to use such a space when it is available? xiaoyi has modified her shamanistic class on the topic of creating safe spaces for rituals, and will be sharing with some of the skills, tools and “hands on” exercises that can help in fostering, maintaining and learning what sort of Safe Space you and your partners want and what type you can help create.
How Can i Say What I Mean When You Won't Listen?
Whether talking about poly, tpe or relationships in general we often hear the phrase, “communication is the key”. Seldom do people take the time to talk about how we communicate respectfully and clearly. This class provides some great tools and resources for how to communicate with partners even when emotions are high. Partners and groups are encouraged to attend this class together when possible, but solo attendance is very useful as well. Many of the technique shared do work even if only one person is using them.
Positions, Rituals and Protocols-Using and creating ones that serve you and your partners.
As a shaman and a protocol slut, xiaoyi adores the use of rituals, protocols and positions to help maintain headspaces, encourage connections and help sustain and support relationships. But how many and which ones should you use when? How many do you teach these things or come up with them and how often? Who do these actually belong to?
This class is designed as an interactive roundtable style discussion and facilitated discussion of these topics. xiaoyi will have examples of some of her favorites and least favorites. Please bring yours as well.
Slave Play 101
“I will do anything you want Master/Mistress!” Is there any phrase that is as arousing to say or hear as this? Or more frustrating when we realize all we really want is their presence but the slave wants to do more? What do you do with someone who is willing to give you “anything”; what do you want to offer when you give “anything”. In this class I will address some options on slaves and the treatments of them.
Taught by xiaoyi, a full time protocol focused slave. This class will share with you ways to enjoy slavehood or Mastery be it for 5 minutes or for over 50 years. I will teach some basic positions, commands and propose various ways to interact while in a M/s setting/play. For me this is my life, but for anyone, it can be great fun, However you decide to enjoy it.
Let’s move beyond the concept of just kneeling or being a sex-slave and explore what else you can do with a slave.
The Swiss Army Slave - How to always be prepared for any situation
A slave has only to Obey their Master and all will be well. But for some there is a need to go beyond obedience into anticipation. Or perhaps you are without a Master and still want to be ready for anything. Maybe you are a new slave or new to attending event and are unsure what you should bring with you where. After serving for over three years as the “slave-mom” for a poly M/s household I learned a few things about what to always have with you when serving. This class will include an overview of what should be in a slave’s daily bag, convention or class bag and their play bag so that at a moments notice they can provide what their Master, Household or even *gasp* they themselves need. Feedback and participation is strongly desired. What things have you learned to never be without while in service? What thing did you wish your slave(s) had with them that they had to try and find last minute?
One-Sided Conflict Resolution De-escalating and Finding Common Ground
Sometimes we end up in conflicts with someone and for some reason, we cannot resolve it with them. This class is a workshop designed to help resolve conflicts without having to address it with the other person so that we can continue our lives without the weight of having that conflict within us. This can also be helpful in reducing emotional charge around an issue so that we can go into a discussion with others in a more rational and productive state of mind. No one “wins” an argument when they are still mad. This will be an interactive, participation workshop. Please come with a willingness to address a conflict or emotional pain in your life and ready to show up and work on it in a safe space. Due to the very personal and intimate nature of the class we will “lock” the door ten minutes in and request no one else enter. (if people wish to leave they are welcome to)
The topic of Ethical Mastery is commonly taught and discussed within the community. The topic of ethical slavery and slavehood, less so. What makes a slave ethical or unethical? Obedience? And if so, are only owned slaves ethical? Please come join me as I tackle this very touchy subject on how slaves owned and unowned can and do remain ethical. I will touch on how and if the standards for being ethical change with ownership as well. And in the end I hope to present a definition we can agree on as to what is an Ethical slave.
Leather worship and leather care are very different from each other. You don’t need to be a bootblack or leather care specialist to enjoy leather worship as a top or bottom. In this interactive class, xiaoyi discusses and demonstrates (if willing volunteers can be found) a few methods for giving and receiving leather worship and a few of the different ways it can look and feel. From learning to set an intention, to the acts of delighting in a garden of leathery lusciousness, to touching the soul of your partner(s) she will help guide you through the beginnings of leather worship. Yes, WOO will happen! (translations may be available to non-woo fluent attendees on a case by case basis)
Poly without a Primary
In Power Exchange relationships, poly is most commonly done with one couple as the ”primary” couple and any additional relationships as secondary. In this class I explore a different option for power exchange and poly. I have no primary partner and prefer to work in relationships where instead of focusing on primary vs secondary, focusing on each relationship as it's own entity without ranking them and with keeping each one as non-negotiable independent relationships. Discussions are welcome within this class. I look forward to hearing your views.
Repairing the Broken Chalice - Healing through breakups in PE relationships
Often in M/s and D/s relationships there is discussion that the top will be there to help reprogram or deprogram the bottom if the relationship ends. While this is indeed the ideal, often the hurt emotions and other pains prevent the top from providing such services or the bottom from accepting them. When this happens, the bottom must find ways to repair themselves and recover from the structured life they have lived and build around their top.
In this class, we will discuss some of the ways xioayi has discovered over the years and over the course of her relationships and breakups that help deprogram the slave/submissive and leave us not only repaired and whole again but also stronger and more beautiful for the experience.
Kink/BDSM vs Domestic Violence - Which is Which?
If you get a call or someone comes to you, can you ascertain abuse vs. healthy BDSM? Do know anyone who might believe that people who are kinky “deserve” abuse and crave it? When you think of BDSM, do you envision skin tight clothing and a dungeon from movies? Has 50 Shades impacted you and your job?
Kink and BDSM are becoming more and more prevalent in our culture and society. This class will give you an overview of what healthy kink/BDSM looks like, and what distinguishes it from abuse and domestic violence. Giving you tools to help you when engaging with those who are participating in these activities.
I Consented To WHAT?!?
Everyone agrees that consent is important. In the many varying subcultures of kink and Leather however, there are different baselines of acceptable behaviors that are simply expected when you are in that group. This class explores ways to understand the culture of the subcommunity you are in so that you aren't caught unaware by expectations that are "assumed" to the point that they aren't negotiated. Sometimes being aware is what is needed to ensure your consent isn't violated.
How to give and receive the best hugs in this world. Learn the different types and styles of hugs, how hugs and cuddles differ and how "May I hug you?" might be the start of an amazing negotiation for just what you need.
I'm TRIGGERED! Now What? Managing your triggers and responses
As Someone with PTSD, xiaoyi knows that we all get triggered sometimes. What we do after we are triggered is very important. In this class we explore ways to manage our responses and find ways to care for ourselves when we are triggered in healthy ways.
Consent and Personal Responcibility
When we give consent, how do we know what we are consenting to? Where does our own personal responcibility kick in? What is on us vs on our partners when it comes to consent? How do you decide how you are going to negitatiate and give/revoke your consent? Let's explore what methods there are and what will be the best way for you to maintain your own agency and still enjoy what we do.
Training your Partner as a slave/submissive
xiaoyi has helped train slaves and submissives for Masters since 2013. Join us as she explores what it means to train someone, how to train people and what bonds can be created in doing so. If you want someone to serve you, she can help you learn how to help them want to do so and help you express what it is you actually want them to do. We will also discuss the pitfalls and responcibilities that are created when you train someone. Class is open to all sides of the slash.
Learning to Live your Values Rather than Living in Fear
It is not uncommon to find that we are living every day going from crisis to crisis instead of living with deliberate intentional purpose. This often leaves us feeling drained, tired and far from our best. Which means we are not being the kind of partners we strive to be. Join xioayi as she guides you through a method of reducing that chaos and living a values based live rather than fear based so that you can show up in your relationships and life the way you choose.
Note: xiaoyi will speak mostly on how this shift has effected her surrender, though in her "topping" relationships, she has also noticed it makes a huge difference.
Overcoming Fears Through Choosing Love
full descrption coming...
Whites Talking with Whites About Racism *
Sometimes even with the best of intentions, we white folks end up doing racist things. please join us for a discussion on what we can do to catch ourselves, stop ourselves and how to support each other in being less racist humans.
All Black and POC welcome. we just aren't going to ask any of you to do the heavy emotional and educational work for us.
* if this is part of a confrence, please speak to xiaoyi about the time-slot as she needs specific times when she teaches this intense class
Loving Your Own Body and Forgiving It.
often we allow our negative thoughts and believes about our bodies to limit us and stop us from being our best selves. As someone who has struggled with eating disorders, chronic illness and more, xioayi has been through the cycle of loathing her body's restrictions many times. Join her as she shares ways to love your body, even when it is hurting you or misbehaving and learning to forgive it the "flaws" you perceive so that you and the physical vessel you are in can accept each other with loving compassion even in the hardest of times.
Mental Health and Kink
We all have mental health states, Some are "healthy" while others have "conditions" we have to manage. When it comes to kink play and relationships, how does one manage both their mental health and the excitements of play? What need to be considered? Are there discussions we need to have? with who and when and how?
Playing while Triggered - dealing with triggers in play and scenes
Whether we are trying to play with triggers or they come up while we play, how do we know if they can be managed and incorporated into play or if we need to stop. xioayi has been triggered both as a top and bottom in play and will share how she has learned ways to positively incorporate triggers into play and what precautions you might want to take to do so. This sort of play is not to be taken lightly.
Kink Adaptations for Disabled Folxs
full description coming...
Gor, Leather and M/s Which is Which and Where do They Intersect?
full description coming...
Fluid Consent - Can we even give consent for ....?
full description coming...
There are always more classes in the works and if you would like me to teach or present on something other than what you see listed here, please let me know.